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Terms associated with ongoing financial meltdown

Given all of the problems with the current global financial markets, you might like to reacquaint yourselves with the following terms:

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance ; the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

BROKER — What my broker has made me

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has just been disconnected

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use

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